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What is Love?

This is perhaps one of the most fundamental questions of our existence as human beings. In our search to define an answer, we have created countless religions, philosophies, arts, cultures, books, and still we all have trouble agreeing. The beauty of love however, is that even though we all use different languages and ideas to describe it, love itself is something universal that we all can recognize, regardless of how we intellectualize it. While everyone of course will have different take on what the word means, my own ideas come from what I have gathered from the world and my experience of this mysterious and beautiful fact of life.

Some will say that love is a feeling, but I believe feelings are only a symptom of love, which is a much deeper and more complex phenomenon. Besides, love includes many different feelings, like excitement, passion, comfort, fondness, and appreciation. Real love has more substance to it than simple emotion, it is something that integrates all of our capacities, emotional, intellectual, physical, and emotional. It is a force and it is an experience. It is an effort and it is a reward. It is a way of living your life.

Our culture as whole however, seems to view love as more of a commodity. The media would have us believe that it is a fleeting thing, something meant to validate our vanity or our ego. The focus is almost entirely on the titillation and the rush of infatuation, portraying love as if it were just another mindless high to pursue, like junk food or shopping. But as the celebrity gossip columns will show, that sort of “love” lasts for about a week, until another pop-star marriage is annulled in what seems to be an endless cycle of misinterpreted emotions and relationships. Real love can be quite thrilling, however, I believe it is a mistake to assume we are talking about real love just because a thrill is there.

The way I see it, real love is more like a commitment to yourself and to those you love. It means working be the best person you can be, to strive to grow and celebrate life through your actions and to always work to be a bigger person. There is a Buddhist saying that goes, “Take without forgetting and give without remembering.” I believe that is a beautiful example of what love is. Now, at this point, some readers might be rolling their eyes and thinking, “What is all this fluffy hippy talk. Love should be sexy and fun!” Of course it should, but when the attitude I described above lies at the core of a relationship, the sexiness and fun renews itself again and again and is felt in an infinite number of new ways throughout a lifetime.

How do I find love?

Love is about giving. Love is everywhere and in everyone, though not everyone responds positively to love. Some are afraid of it and shy away or express skepticism, but that is only because their own understanding and relationship to love has become fractured and made painful through their ideas and experiences. To find love, we must be bold enough to believe it is a real thing. We must believe that people have the capacity in their hearts to love and that we have it in ourselves to love. This requires strength, courage, and trust. It is easy to be jaded and say that love is for suckers or that love doesn’t exist. To begin watering the seed that will grow into love however, we must ourselves become a kind of garden in which it might bloom. The most important part of that process is learning to love ourselves.

How do I learn to love myself?

You will feel love for yourself when you pursue that which you know is best, in spite of how frightening or difficult it may seem. You will feel love for yourself when you embrace what’s in your heart and find the courage to express it. You will find love for yourself when you reach out to do good things for others. It is through pursuing mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health that the power of our attractiveness is magnified and we attract those who also aspire to health and well being. Similarly it is by respecting yourself that others will come to respect you. The first and most important step is to make peace with and celebrate the person who you are. After that, others will be inclined to celebrate it with you as well.

Take a look at yourself honestly. If something is holding you down or holding you back, identify it, own it, and think about how you can change it. It is through positive change we can discover new definitions of ourselves and push our limits. In the process, we feel alive and empowered as we reclaim our lives and our identities. As our true potential is slowly revealed to us, we begin to see our inner worth and learn to love what we see. Its yours if you want it. All you need to do is take the first step…

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